It’s been a few months since I’ve made an update. To be honest, I’m starting to think that the idea of having a blog about me is selfish and repulsive. The world could use less blogs about ourselves and more walks in the forest at sunset. Nonetheless, this blog is a good outlet to get some things off my chest, and mostly it’s an efficient way to keep family and friends updated on if I’m dying or not, since I don’t have Facebook.
The good news is, the chemo has been working. I think I’ve taken three rounds of Temodar chemotherapy and it’s gone well. According to the last few MRI scans, my tumor has shrunk substantially. Seizures have also gotten much better. My last couple seizures have been very minor. The last seizure I had was on June 29th. So as of typing this, It’s been 51 days since my last seizure. I have a scan soon to see how things are going. I’m not even that worried.
For the same reason I’m not worried, I’m not very excited about the progress either. Because I’ve started to realize that no matter what I do, cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do. It doesn’t matter how many prayers I pray at my most vulnerable moments, in the MRI machine, before the doctor gives me the results. It doesn’t matter how many deals I think I’m making with my creator. It doesn’t matter how many cancer fundraisers I speak at or how many lives my story touches. It doesn’t matter how ketogenic my diet is, how much ice cream I eat, or how grateful I am for how far I’ve come: Cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do.
I recently read this article that affirmed my thoughts on the whole damned thing, and I wanted to share it. It reminds me of when I first got cancer. Once the news was broken to me – there was no turning back. I was in Cancer World from that point forward. In Cancer World, there are dark corners of the internet that lure the kindest, most benevolent people into believing that the cure for cancer exists, but drug companies want to hide it from the general population so they can make more money. If you look hard enough, Dr. Google might even tell you that chemotherapy is not to be trusted. There was a lady I met in Cancer World who suggested I eat apricot seed and drink magic tea to cure my cancer. She’s dead now. There was a guy who offered to help cure my cancer by letting me drink his magic alkaline water at his shop in the old crappy mall in Mason City (the really old crappy one). Sometimes people in Cancer World try to reassure me with standards like “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die.” I say to them: “But you’re not stuck laying in the street, listening to the cars rush past – waiting hopelessly for the bus to hit you.”
For now, I just wanted to log in and say that I’m doing great, and I wanted to share this article, because I felt like the writer was talking to me when I read it. I’d ask you to wish me luck, good vibes, thoughts and prayers for a good scan on September 2nd, but I’m not confident it’ll do much cause in my experience, cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do.