Cancer World

It’s been a few months since I’ve made an update. To be honest, I’m starting to think that the idea of having a blog about me is selfish and repulsive. The world could use less blogs about ourselves and more walks in the forest at sunset. Nonetheless, this blog is a good outlet to get some things off my chest, and mostly it’s an efficient way to keep family and friends updated on if I’m dying or not, since I don’t have Facebook.

The good news is, the chemo has been working. I think I’ve taken three rounds of Temodar chemotherapy and it’s gone well. According to the last few MRI scans, my tumor has shrunk substantially. Seizures have also gotten much better. My last couple seizures have been very minor. The last seizure I had was on June 29th. So as of typing this, It’s been 51 days since my last seizure. I have a scan soon to see how things are going. I’m not even that worried.

For the same reason I’m not worried, I’m not very excited about the progress either. Because I’ve started to realize that no matter what I do, cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do. It doesn’t matter how many prayers I pray at my most vulnerable moments, in the MRI machine, before the doctor gives me the results. It doesn’t matter how many deals I think I’m making with my creator. It doesn’t matter how many cancer fundraisers I speak at or how many lives my story touches. It doesn’t matter how ketogenic my diet is, how much ice cream I eat, or how grateful I am for how far I’ve come: Cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do.

I recently read this article that affirmed my thoughts on the whole damned thing, and I wanted to share it. It reminds me of when I first got cancer. Once the news was broken to me – there was no turning back. I was in Cancer World from that point forward. In Cancer World, there are dark corners of the internet that lure the kindest, most benevolent people into believing that the cure for cancer exists, but drug companies want to hide it from the general population so they can make more money. If you look hard enough, Dr. Google might even tell you that chemotherapy is not to be trusted. There was a lady I met in Cancer World who suggested I eat apricot seed and drink magic tea to cure my cancer. She’s dead now. There was a guy who offered to help cure my cancer by letting me drink his magic alkaline water at his shop in the old crappy mall in Mason City (the really old crappy one). Sometimes people in Cancer World try to reassure me with standards like “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die.” I say to them: “But you’re not stuck laying in the street, listening to the cars rush past – waiting hopelessly for the bus to hit you.”

For now, I just wanted to log in and say that I’m doing great, and I wanted to share this article, because I felt like the writer was talking to me when I read it. I’d ask you to wish me luck, good vibes, thoughts and prayers for a good scan on September 2nd, but I’m not confident it’ll do much cause in my experience, cancer is going to do what cancer is going to do.

7 Comments +

  1. For me too live is Christ to die is Christ ! Even in my sinful state there is comfort in knowing that this is not the end of his plan for you or me!God dearly love’s you and so do we!! We will keep praying for you

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  2. Justin – I am thrilled to hear your positive news and I selfishly hope that you keep writing because I enjoy your perspective so much. The Atlantic article you shared made perfect sense to me. I was diagnosed with cancer nearly 12 years ago and I still remember people telling me it was all the Diet Coke and Bounce dryer sheets.

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  3. Oh my Gosh Justin, I love reading your blogs and always praying you share Good news about yourself. What a great article you shared. I seriously think you need to write some articles as well. You’re a terrific writer. Prayers to you! 🙏💜

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  4. Yep, cancer has a mind of its own.
    Hospital appointments are now considered an outing.
    Keep up those positive vibes my friend.

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  5. Hi Justin…I enjoy your posts and your perspective. You are always in my prayers. Take good care my friend. Sending hugs…

    Linda H

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  6. Justin you and I have never met. I just read your blog and your concern that this whole thing you are doing could somehow be selfish. Let me tell you what you have done for me and my family in the last couple of months due to an email you sent me……

    Because of you after 53 years I now know who my biological father was.
    Because of you I now know your Dad is my half brother.
    Because of you I now know I have two other half siblings.
    Because of you I have pictures of this side of my family I would have never had.
    Because of you I now know who I look like.
    Because of you I now have family history I never had.
    Because of you I can finally bring closure to wondering who I came from.
    Me and my entire family will forever be grateful to you Justin for taking the time to contact me and let me know that we are actually family. Stay as positive as you can. Stay as strong as you can. And know you have family here that believes you can. Take care Justin.

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